Wife of a Cop

Jimmy has one more week of FTO and then he is on his own! And even right now, his training officer is in regular clothes and does not do anything but really just monitor Jimmy.

I am so proud of him. Especially because two guys in the past couple months actually failed FTO and were left without a job. But Jimmy just makes it sound and seem so simple. To me, just a traffic stop seems terrifying. Yet he has already seen and done things far beyond that and without any hesitation. He really was born to protect and serve.

It's been an interesting last couple of months with this new job for me as both a mother and a wife. And now that we know his schedule for good (Weds-Sat nights 6pm-6am), it has really led me to a lot of prayer, to accept some real realizations... if that makes sense.

1. Our life will never be "normal". This is especially true to the days that Jimmy works (kind of strange considering how it's usually the opposite). We never know when Jimmy will get home. In fact, I think since the day he started, he has only gotten home on time once. He is usually gone for at least 15-16 hours at a time. And it's even stranger when he is on nights.

I absolutely hate going to bed without him, especially in this big house. And I also am not a fan of waking up, kissing him hello and knowing he's got to go to bed. So even though he's home for the day, he's really not. So he is gone all night and most of the day which is tough.

It's the hardest on Sundays. The last two Sundays, even though he's supposed to be home by 6:30 and sometimes even 2am, he hasn't gotten home until at least 10. And since we have Church at 11, it makes it nearly impossible for him to go. He is just so out of it. This is insanely tough.

And our weekends start on Sunday. This is hard when wanting to plan things with "normal civilians". Because when we are free, they are not and vice versa. And we miss all of the "regular celebrations/events that happen on Friday/Saturday nights or I have to go alone with the kids. This kind of sucks.

2. Being the wife of a Police Officer means you must be as dedicated to his love of the job as he is. It won't work otherwise. This is how it was in the Marines as well. It isn't a normal job. It becomes who they are. They join a brotherhood, a family. And if I am not on board and become part of it as well, we lose a very sacred connection. I need to sacrifice and serve as much as he does by being okay with what he does. By wanting it as he does. By not fighting or crying every time he misses another dinner or thinking about how Christmas or Thanksgiving is no longer a given Holiday together.

We are in this together. This is our job, our life. Not just his.

3. I need to learn and do new things. Time is everything now a days. Especially when Jimmy is on the night shift. And even on his days off, he often needs to go in. For example, Jimmy is off today but is actually at work. He is at a class. And tomorrow he is off too, but he has to go to court. So, when he is available, I honestly do not want him out in the yard or fixing the toilet. I want him spending time with me and the kids.

So most of these things can be done by me, and I feel like they should. Google and a good pair of working gloves have been my two best friends lately. But that is okay. We are a team in this. We have to be.

4. Our kids don't get it (obviously, our oldest is still just 2) but they possibly never will. I knew marrying Jimmy would bring challenges like this. He was a Marine for crying out loud, who once wanted to eventually become a fighter pilot. I had a pretty good feeling, "normal" was never going to be in the cards for me. And that was okay with me. And it still is.

But our kids didn't necessarily agree to the same circumstances. Now, Lexi just asks periodically throughout the day where 'dada' is and then of course at night, when he isn't there to sing, pray, and kiss her goodnight. Already sometimes she'll get this little sad look in her eyes.

Later, I know it's going to be harder to bare because those eyes are going to become sadder. They're going to understand that their daddy could possibly be in danger. They're going to miss him at baseball games, gymnastic meets, or whatever.

This already breaks my heart. But it is a hard fact that I just need to realize.

And last.

5. I need the Lord more than ever. I am not sure what would happen, if we didn't have the Gospel in our lives. Or how this job would actually work. Kudos to those who don't have a strong faith and somehow make this field work.

Already there have been many times where I just can't help but ask, "Where the heck is Jimmy?, "Why isn't he here?" or I just break down and tell myself, "I can't do this", "This isn't fair". But then I get down on my knees and know that I am not alone, that I can do this, and that it is fair.

I have it all. I really do.
I really am so grateful that I know that all I have to do, is pray or open my scriptures to give me power and strength. Because there is so much there. Real power. Real strength. I have felt it and I know I will continue to. It's because of my Savior that I am able to be the wife of a cop.

Because being the wife of a police officer is not for the weak, nor the self centered, nor the needy, clingy, insecure or high maintenance type of woman. And the Savior has truly helped me become strong, become independent, and become confident in my role as a mother, a wife, and a daughter of God.

These are my thoughts so far. Stay tuned for more "wife of a cop" insights =)