Dear Lexi,... Love, Mushy Gushy Mommy

I honestly could not be more excited to have our little boy! When Rebecca (the doctor) told me I was 2 1/2 cm dilated yesterday, I could have jumped up without my pants on and not have even cared. (I didn't)

But at the same time as the time does get closer and closer, I have actually been feeling more and more guilty and more and more sad. I just hate the fact that I will not be able to give all my time and devotion to our little girl anymore and it seriously breaks my heart. I know some would say thats crazy and that I give her way to much attention anyways but she is just my favorite thing. I love us two together. I love what we have.

It makes me cringe just thinking about the day when she wants to read a story or sit on my lap and someone is already there. (Tearing now... seriously is there something wrong with me!?)

So to my sweet baby, I just want you to know a couple of things that have been on my mind...
(Even though you will not be able to read this for years to come)

First, I love you. I have loved every minute of every second of you since you entered this world. Yes... even the bad. Because the nights when you refused to sleep, the whining that you sometimes refused to stop, or the messes that you have made me clean, made every sweet moment even sweeter. I swear... they did.

Second, I love that you were my first. You have taught me more than I ever thought was even possible for someone to learn. I love that you have never, for even a micro second, been a tad bit boring. You have more energy than any child I have ever known and I can't think of any better way of jump starting me into mommy mode. Because of you, I feel like I could do anything. And I am so so grateful.

Third, I will always love you. It scares me to death to think about not being able to give you my all. About seeing you grow up even faster as we watch another little baby learn and grow. And about losing our precious time together. But I promise, the matter what I am doing, I still love you. That I will always love you, and that love will continue to only grow. Please know that when I look back on this time in my life, I will always smile about the amazing gift we were both given. Us together, all the time. If anything, I promise, it was a gift.

You are amazing. I cannot believe I get to be your mother. I thank my Heavenly Father for you every single day and every single night. I will always try to be the best mom I can be. Know that one for sure.

PS. I know you are going to be an incredible big sister.... or should I say, "You better be" =)

I love you always.

Love, mom