Dandy Walker & ACC
Well we got the results of the Fetal MRI about a week ago and it's still hard to even say what we are feeling. This last week has without question been the hardest and most emotional of our lives.
We found out that unfortunately the enlarged Ventricles in baby's brain is because he is actually missing parts of his brain. He is missing the entire Corpus Callosum, which is the main part of the brain that connects the two different hemispheres and it looks like he is also missing the Vermis, which indicates that he does infact have Dandy Walker Malformation.
The doctor told us after another ultra sound and after going over the fetal MRI results that there was no question as to whether or not we were going to have a special needs child anymore. He did say though that we still do not know how severe baby would be. He could have extreme disabilities and challenges or he could be just somewhat delayed.
Again, it's hard to know what to really say. The thought processes of having a special needs child are endless.
Though I do want to say that even though it has been a very difficult week, I have never ever felt closer to Jimmy.... ever, which is saying something.
He has been my greatest comfort. He took off the whole last week and I will always be eternally grateful for that. We spent almost every second together. I am not really sure what I would do if he hasn't been so amazing. Because of him, I believe that maybe we really can do this.
One night during the week he told all of us to get our shoes on. The kids were already in jammies too, so I wasn't sure what he was up to. But we all got into the car and he drove us to park. No cameras, no phones, no anything except us and the kids. It was weird being there at night but it was also an unforgettable experience. We did a family train down the slide over and over. We all swung on the swings. And Jimmy and I for a good amount of the time just held each other on the bench while we watched the kids play. Afterwards, we stopped at the grocery store and got the blue bell ice cream that had just returned to the stores. We all ate it in bed.
I am so grateful for Jimmy and who he is. We have cried together this week, laughed, and talked more than we have in a long long time. Honestly, a couple times I felt like I was 17 again, talking to him till like 4 in the morning except this time, we were pregnant with our third kid.
Anyways, even though we both are grieving for our boy and what he may have to endure, we know that the matter what, we have each other and that we can get through this. I know that Lexi and Izaac are going to be amazing siblings to their little brother too.
We are very nervous about what's to come. And to be honest I think we are both a little mad as well. Actually I think we are feeling lots of things. Sad, confused, scared, angry, grateful, love, hopeless... I mean it's all over the place.
I do know though, that I am so ready to meet our little boy. We love him so much already and are determined to do everything we can to give him the best life possible.
Ughh, I just want him to come out. It's so frustrating knowing I still can't see him for a couple more weeks. I think that is one of the hardest parts...
Baby boy we love you. It's hard to know you will have challenges. And we are scared for you and us. We both feel somewhat inadequate as parents to have someone so special.
But without a doubt we are already so in love with you. You are in our prayers. We are constantly talking and singing to you, and although you aren't here yet, we already feel closer as a family.
And I would tell you to come out right now but your Dad has convinced me that the longer you bake the better, so hang in there. =)
He has been my greatest comfort. He took off the whole last week and I will always be eternally grateful for that. We spent almost every second together. I am not really sure what I would do if he hasn't been so amazing. Because of him, I believe that maybe we really can do this.
One night during the week he told all of us to get our shoes on. The kids were already in jammies too, so I wasn't sure what he was up to. But we all got into the car and he drove us to park. No cameras, no phones, no anything except us and the kids. It was weird being there at night but it was also an unforgettable experience. We did a family train down the slide over and over. We all swung on the swings. And Jimmy and I for a good amount of the time just held each other on the bench while we watched the kids play. Afterwards, we stopped at the grocery store and got the blue bell ice cream that had just returned to the stores. We all ate it in bed.
I am so grateful for Jimmy and who he is. We have cried together this week, laughed, and talked more than we have in a long long time. Honestly, a couple times I felt like I was 17 again, talking to him till like 4 in the morning except this time, we were pregnant with our third kid.
Anyways, even though we both are grieving for our boy and what he may have to endure, we know that the matter what, we have each other and that we can get through this. I know that Lexi and Izaac are going to be amazing siblings to their little brother too.
We are very nervous about what's to come. And to be honest I think we are both a little mad as well. Actually I think we are feeling lots of things. Sad, confused, scared, angry, grateful, love, hopeless... I mean it's all over the place.
I do know though, that I am so ready to meet our little boy. We love him so much already and are determined to do everything we can to give him the best life possible.
Ughh, I just want him to come out. It's so frustrating knowing I still can't see him for a couple more weeks. I think that is one of the hardest parts...
Baby boy we love you. It's hard to know you will have challenges. And we are scared for you and us. We both feel somewhat inadequate as parents to have someone so special.
But without a doubt we are already so in love with you. You are in our prayers. We are constantly talking and singing to you, and although you aren't here yet, we already feel closer as a family.
And I would tell you to come out right now but your Dad has convinced me that the longer you bake the better, so hang in there. =)
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