Sleep Struggle

(I was hesitant to post this because it is somewhat embarrassing to me, and it's also really long, but this is life, and even though this was definitely a struggle, I don't want to forget it)

So for those that don't know, our Lexi girl has had some serious sleep issues. 

In her defense, she was awesome until she turned about 1. 

But it was a slide down hill from there. 

For some reason, her body would just continue to wake up through out the night. Every night of her life. And she would have a real problem going back to sleep. Every night of her life.

I've dealt with this in several different ways but nothing seemed to really work. I mean this has been going on for years.

 She still would always just wake up ALL night long.  Even when I would let her sleep in our bed room on the floor, she would constantly wake up and I would have to tell her to go back to sleep.

Well the months of February and March were particularly hard in this department.

In fact, in some of the those moments, during some of those nights, I don't think I have ever felt so much anger, pain, and shame.

I just did not know how to handle the situation.

And I ached for her, and for me.

For some reason in those months, after Lexi would wake, she would just scream and cry.

Nothing stopped her. She kept complaining about everything.

And because she shares a room with Izaac, after a certain time frame he would obviously wake up too... and my patience would be gone.

I mean, empty, completely gone, no drops left.

WHY WON'T SHE JUST GO BACK TO SLEEP!

I tried everything.

Singing, talking, whispering, moving her, rubbing her back, leaving her alone, changing the temperature, the lighting, the position of her bed, disciplining her, yelling, giving her rewards, taking toys away, putting her in time out, I even put her in our closet a couple times because she would just not stop crying, not getting out of my bed and ignoring her completely, letting her sleep with "special" things, not letting her sleep with anything. The list really does go on for miles.

I literally tried everything.

And whatever it was, it took a good hour or two before she was back asleep.

Oh! but then, in like 30 minutes, she would be up again...

Oh my goodness. It gets me emotional, just thinking about some of those long nights. 

No one in the house could sleep.

It was hard and it was both emotionally and physically painful, because you are not sleeping, and you cannot figure out how to help, and you are mad.

Oh, I was mad. And that was hard.

Being THAT mad in some of those nights was actually a scary thing for me.

I just didn't get it. I didn't get how to make her relax, and I felt like at that age, she should be choosing to listen and should be able to be quiet. In fact, there were so many nights, I would tell her over and over, "You don't even have to go to sleep, you just have to be quiet".

We would talk about what being "quiet" meant, we would talk about it ALL day the next day! 

We would talk about her sleeping, about why she would cry, about why she would wake up, about how that night it could be different.

But nope.

I literally felt like I was in some horror movie where each night would just be exactly the same and I would never be able to sleep again. 

Well, one day when I was talking to my mom yet again, about our sleepless nights, the idea of taking the side rail of Izaacs crib off cam into my mind.

I can't even tell you why or how, letting him be in a "big boy bed" would make a difference to me.

I mean, why would that change anything? 

Wouldn't that just make everything harder?

In fact when I told Jimmy afterwards about my idea, he thought I had literally gone insane. 

But for some reason (I truly believe it was revelation to me as a mother and an answer to all of my prayers) I just knew, this is what I have to do.

So we did it. We took off Izaac's side of the crib so he was able to get in and out of a "big boy bed".

(story on him later)

Well because this blog is already way too long, I will just say this:

Life has changed. Lexi is sleeping beautifully.
For some reason Izaac being "free" has helped her.

And I will never be able to deny the power of revelation and prayer.